Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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