kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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