D3 body, D1 cock
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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