Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
