That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
