his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
