At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
