If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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