People with herpes should wear stickers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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