I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
