So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
