He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
