Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
