someone get that fucking seahorse.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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