So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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