God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
