fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
