im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
