i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
