I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
