I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
