you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
