If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
