This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this will be a night to untag.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
