Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
