I just saw a hot homeless man
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
