i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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