Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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