maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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