i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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