so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
