You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
