went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
