so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
