I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
