I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
