I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
