Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
