Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
