i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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