dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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