I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
