she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
