Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
