I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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