I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
