About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
