drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
