Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
