and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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