At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
