Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
