I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
