Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
