i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
