I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think i got beer on your cat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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