You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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