You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
