so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
